Father, I am so sorry that I allow little things to build up to the point that I am spiritually off balance and fall. I know You are there for me. Early on I listen closely and swat down even the slightest thought that would lure me from You. Then over time my swat time lags, they I don’t swat at all – my indiscretions are small and seemingly insignificant…but over time they multiply and begin to pile up. Why I don’t just stop and call for Your help to sweep them all out, I don’t know. That would make sense. I continue to sweep my random thoughts under the rug. But over time there are more and more of them and some are bigger than others. I try to ignore them but that rug starts to get lumpy – so much so that I stumble on occasion – I don’t fall mind You, I just stumble. And I continue on in my self-imposed “ignorance.” Again, why don’t I just stop and ask for Your help? It’s not difficult. I know You want me to. But I convince myself that I can handle it. I’m good. I’ve got it under control…but I don’t. And You watch as more and more gets thrown under the rug, calling for me to allow You to help me but I’m distracted – focused on all kinds of things and not the matters that really matter. And then it happens, it’s just too much, I stumble…I try to keep my balance but I fall. Maybe I don’t fall as hard as I have in the past but I still fall – flat on my face. And why? It makes no sense! It is all my fault… I have no one else to blame…
But You are still there. You have not forsaken me. You have not given up on me. I yield once again (for the gazillionth time?) to Your loving hand. You reach down and help me up. I consent to pulling back the rug and am swept clear once more.
Thank You, Lord, for Your patience. Thank You for Your unfathomable love. Where would I be without Your mercy. I fall into Your mighty arms. I pray that You will help me. I am stronger than I once was but I willingly acknowledge that I am utterly incapable of anything close to success on my own. I am dependent upon You. Help me to respond to Your guidance. Help me to yield to You. Help me to sweep things out of my life and not under the rug.
It’s not easy writing these things down, knowing someone else is going to read them. But I know that we all have things that we sweep under our own rugs – things we battle against but sometimes they pile up. Maybe its gossip, or laziness, or food or sex or backbiting or selfishness or self-loathing… the list goes on but Christ is there – more than willing and more than able to help us. All we must do is to call out and He is there. He is for me… and he is for you, too.
Nov 12th, Fri, 5:00 am