Today has been difficult, Father. There are many contributing factors, but this overall time of my life has been difficult. But in all honesty, most of those factors point back to me. Others on multiple fronts have made their contributions but I have to own my contributions and how I have taken their contributions and, in some cases, twisted them to my mindset.

I am human just like everyone else. I hurt. I cry. I mess us. Perfection is far from my grasp. Only because of Your grace and mercy, Father, do I carry on and continue to strive for the holiness that You call me to.

A few years back, a dear, dear friend of mine gave me a book of Puritan prayers. It is entitled, The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions. I have not looked at it for some time but as I looked back through some of my older posts, the Lord led me to a prayer that once more speaks to me. What it has to say is not pretty, but far too often it has been true in my life.

It’s hard to put it out there but I struggle. We all struggle…some of us are just better at covering it up. But cling to this fact, we are not alone. It is encouraging to know, too, that we can be “more than conquerors through him who loved us.” (Romans 8:31-39)

I’ve read through this prayer, and I’ve prayed through it, too. It is well worth sharing…

YET I SIN

Eternal Father,
Thou art good beyond all thought,
But I am vile, wretched, miserable, blind;
My lips are ready to confess,
…..but my heart is slow to feel,
…..and my ways reluctant to amend.
I bring my soul to thee;
…..break it, wound it, bend it, mould it.
Unmask to me sin’s deformity,
…..that I may hate it, abhor it, flee from it.
My faculties have been a weapon of revolt against thee;
…..as a rebel I have misused my strength,
…..and served the foul adversary of thy kingdom.
Give me grace to bewail my insensate* folly,
Grant me to know that the way of transgressors is hard,
……………that evil paths are wretched paths,
……………that to depart from thee is to lose all good.
I have seen the purity and beauty of thy perfect law,
……….the happiness of those in whose heart it reigns,
……….the calm dignity of the walk to which it calls,
………….yet I daily violate and contemn** its precepts.
Thy loving Spirit strives within me,
……………brings me Scripture warnings,
……………speaks in startling providences,
……………allures by secret whispers,
………………yet I choose devices and desires to my own hurt,
…………………impiously resent, grieve,
…………………….and provoke him to abandon me.

All these sins I mourn, lament, and for them cry pardon.
Work in me more profound and abiding repentance;
Give me the fullness of a godly grief that trembles and fears,
…..yet ever trusts and loves,
…..which is ever powerful, and ever confident;
Grant that through the tears of repentance I may see more clearly
…..the brightness and glories of the saving cross.

Amen…so be it.

A couple of words I had to look up
*insensate: without sense, understanding, or judgment; foolish.
**contemn: to treat or regard with disdain, scorn, or contempt.

Dec 21st, 2021, Tues, 7:13 pm