I Struggle
Today has been difficult, Father. There are many contributing factors, but this overall time of my life has been difficult. But in all honesty, most of those factors point back to me. Others on multiple fronts have made their contributions but I have to own my contributions and how I have taken their contributions and, in some cases, twisted them to my mindset.
I am human just like everyone else. I hurt. I cry. I mess us. Perfection is far from my grasp. Only because of Your grace and mercy, Father, do I carry on and continue to strive for the holiness that You call me to.
A few years back, a dear, dear friend of mine gave me a book of Puritan prayers. It is entitled, The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions. I have not looked at it for some time but as I looked back through some of my older posts, the Lord led me to a prayer that once more speaks to me. What it has to say is not pretty, but far too often it has been true in my life.
It’s hard to put it out there but I struggle. We all struggle…some of us are just better at covering it up. But cling to this fact, we are not alone. It is encouraging to know, too, that we can be “more than conquerors through him who loved us.” (Romans 8:31-39)
I’ve read through this prayer, and I’ve prayed through it, too. It is well worth sharing…
YET I SIN
Eternal Father,
Thou art good beyond all thought,
But I am vile, wretched, miserable, blind;
My lips are ready to confess,
…..but my heart is slow to feel,
…..and my ways reluctant to amend.
I bring my soul to thee;
…..break it, wound it, bend it, mould it.
Unmask to me sin’s deformity,
…..that I may hate it, abhor it, flee from it.
My faculties have been a weapon of revolt against thee;
…..as a rebel I have misused my strength,
…..and served the foul adversary of thy kingdom.
Give me grace to bewail my insensate* folly,
Grant me to know that the way of transgressors is hard,
……………that evil paths are wretched paths,
……………that to depart from thee is to lose all good.
I have seen the purity and beauty of thy perfect law,
……….the happiness of those in whose heart it reigns,
……….the calm dignity of the walk to which it calls,
………….yet I daily violate and contemn** its precepts.
Thy loving Spirit strives within me,
……………brings me Scripture warnings,
……………speaks in startling providences,
……………allures by secret whispers,
………………yet I choose devices and desires to my own hurt,
…………………impiously resent, grieve,
…………………….and provoke him to abandon me.
All these sins I mourn, lament, and for them cry pardon.
Work in me more profound and abiding repentance;
Give me the fullness of a godly grief that trembles and fears,
…..yet ever trusts and loves,
…..which is ever powerful, and ever confident;
Grant that through the tears of repentance I may see more clearly
…..the brightness and glories of the saving cross.
Amen…so be it.
A couple of words I had to look up
*insensate: without sense, understanding, or judgment; foolish.
**contemn: to treat or regard with disdain, scorn, or contempt.
Dec 21st, 2021, Tues, 7:13 pm
A Helping of Salty Satisfaction
Another “what more can happen today?” kind of day! Father, You’ve gotten me through it all. Thank you for all the many things that have happened today. Guide my thoughts to what You want to be shared with all who will listen. Amen.
Acts 2:1-12 (<<click here to read the passage)
I don’t know if everybody feels this way, but quite often I just crave something salty. I love potato chips, pretzels, Doritos, corn chips, cheese curls, you name it, if there are any around, I’ll gladly take a few to munch on!
Many people can’t get enough salt. We have one family member who has been known to salt potato chips! We’ve noticed, too, that some older people tend to salt everything without even tasting it first. Many of us yearn for salt! We’re drawn to it. No matter what other delicacies there might be about, we go for that helping of chips.
Wouldn’t it be great if, in our relationship with Jesus, that we were so “salty” that people were drawn to us? That just being around us, they were able to fill a deep yearning within themselves? That they literally crave our company because of the need we met for them?
Jesus said at the beginning of Matthew 5:13, “You are the salt of the earth.”
My Life Application Study Bible says,
When the gathered crowd recognized that something supernatural was taking place, they naturally wanted an explanation. At this point, Peter stepped forward and explained the truth about God. This should be the pattern in our lives as well. Hopefully, we are living in such a way that people will see Christ in us.
Our goal then should be to live a life of “saltiness”, so much so, that no matter what other things in life – those delicacies the world puts out in lavish displays – that they will go for that handful of “salty” satisfaction that we bring to their lives. May we use those opportunities to explain our “Christian hope”.
Our friend Peter said it well in his first epistle,
But in your hearts set Christ apart [as holy – acknowledging Him, giving Him first place in your lives] as Lord. Always be ready to give a [logical] defense to anyone who asks you to account for the hope and confident assurance [elicited by faith] that is within you, yet [do it] with gentleness and respect. 1 Peter 3:15 AMP
Lord Jesus, use us. May our time spent with You fill us with a flavor so strong that people are attracted to us. And when they come may we readily and confidently show them the hope found only in You. Amen.
Dec 20th, 2021, Mon, 7:46 pm
Setting the Stage
It is good to give thanks to the Lord,
….to sing praises to the Most High.
It is good to proclaim your unfailing love in the morning,
….your faithfulness in the evening… Psalm 92:1-2 NLT
Acts 2:1-12 (<<click here to read the passage)
There was one thing I did my freshman year of college that I had not done before college and have not done since. I took part in a small theatric presentation of a play entitled The Great Physician – a story of Luke, the writer of the Gospel that bears his name, as well as the book of Acts.
I had a very small role and as a slave owner I had one whole line, “Stop or I will have you boiled in oil!” I remember some bits and pieces of rehearsals; I remember having make-up put on and having mascara put in my beard so it would be black and not the brown it was at the time. It took place at Mt. Vernon’s Memorial Theater (It was way before the facilities the university has today.) There was nothing exceptionally elaborate about it, but it was a really enjoyable experience.
We had decent props and backdrops and all the other things needed for our performance. All in all, we made sure both literally and figuratively that the stage was set for an evening of entertainment, having done everything we could to draw a good crowd.
In today’s passage, the stage was set for an event that would propel the Good News of Jesus Christ (the Messiah) out into the world! His timing was as it always was …perfect! And it was not for entertainment purposes but aimed to change to the very core the lives of men, women, and children across the world!
Jesus had returned to heaven, the apostles – as they were now called – and the many other followers of the Way, that is all the believers were meeting together in one place. v1 NLT One hundred and twenty of them had come together …with one mind and one purpose… and …were continually devoting themselves to prayer, [waiting together]… Acts 1:14 AMP
They had done their part to prepare themselves for what God was sending.
It “just so happened” – no coincidence here! – that the coming of the Holy Spirit took place on the day of Pentecost. It was one of the three great festivals that took place every year in Jerusalem. It was a celebration of the first fruits of the harvest and in addition to native local Israelites brought in devout and God-fearing men from every nation under heaven. v5 AMP
God had assembled a receptive audience.
The stage was set, but now to draw the crowds to where the one hundred and twenty were gathered. And God was prepared!
Suddenly, there was a sound from heaven like the roaring of a mighty windstorm, and it filled the house where they were sitting. v2 NLT
And when they – the devout and God-fearing crowd – heard the loud noise, everyone came running… v6b NLT
Everything was exactly as it needed to be for God’s desire to be fulfilled. The Spirit had come and now the world – the whole world – would know!
Dec 19th, 2021, Sun, 7:27 pm
Not a Very “Christmassy” Christmas
Father, this has surely been a week of variety! Each day has held new experiences for me, at home and on my bus route. Thank You for Your stability in my life, and though nothing was totally crazy, I so appreciate Your guiding presence.
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I can’t help but look at where I find myself and think how different everything seems to be.
It is not like last year when we were in the middle of all the initial COVID shutdowns and mandates. School looked different. Church was limited, for our churches at least, to an online-only option. Holidays were local and limited. We had no interaction with family outside of our immediate area.
This year COVID is still impacting but in different ways. School interactions are not nearly as restrictive – just cautious. We are meeting in person and online for church. But this will be the second year in a row that we have not held an open house. (It has been our annual tradition to host people from both of our congregations with an evening of tasty food and wonderful fellowship in our home. We had done it for 17 straight years…until last year.) Other holiday traditions at our churches did not take place. There was no holiday dinner after Thanksgiving at the Beulah church, which meant, beyond our Advent wreath, we have no Christmas decorations up. One couple was kind enough to decorate the Liberty Chapel church, but we missed our usual Hanging of the Greens get together there with food and fellowship.
At this point where we live, we’ve had at least one or two decent snow events. This year so far, we’ve had one small one. It’s odd that really it has been pretty mild temperature-wise with a fair amount of rain. It’s not felt very festive for sure.
Our home is decorated for Christmas inside and out but just the other night I drove around our area a bit and saw a fair number of lit trees in people’s windows but very few have done much outside. Even the places I knew had set up outside décor were dark.
I’ve been listening to Christmas music at home since October (what can I say? I love it!) but have only caught bits and pieces of it when we’ve been out.
It’s just not been very “Christmassy” at least to our normal standards.
This past Sunday’s sermon was entitled, CELEBRATING THE SEASON WHATEVER YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. I opened with a poem, No Christmas This Year. The last stanza read,
But if you lose Christmas when troubles befall,
You never have really had Christmas at all.
For once you have had it, it cannot depart
When you learn that true Christmas is Christ in your heart.
As I ponder what everything is like this year compared to years of the past, I realize that I need to adjust my perspective. Traditions and year-to-year occurrences are all well and good and I enjoy them so but not a single one of them changes what Christ did. He came and lived and accomplished His goal of offering Himself as a sacrifice for us all, for only blood would do. And He relinquished His all so that we might find salvation that we could not get any other way.
Lord Jesus, enable me to let this year be a year where You are enough. May I be grateful each day for Your gift to me. Amen.
Dec 16th, 2021, Thurs, 8:39 pm
Repetition…again
A day full of different things, Father, but definitely a good day all around. Thank You for the ability to accomplish the things I did. It is a gift from Your hand!
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I have struggled tonight with a very difficult topic, and even though I have invested a fair amount of time in preparation, I just don’t feel that I am knowledgeable enough to delve into it. So, since my time is quickly coming to a close, I feel compelled to share a post from yesteryear.
When I wrote this, I was working at Kohl’s and my schedule was such that I got up an hour early to pray, read, and write. This is the post in its entirety, opening and all. I pray you find it beneficial.
Dec 15th, 2021, Wed, 6:29 pm
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It is a struggle to get up out of my toasty bed, especially when another hour of sleep sounds so enticing but Proverbs 6:10-11 from the Amplified Bible helps me bring my thoughts back on track.
“Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to lie down and rest”— So your poverty will come like an approaching prowler who walks [slowly, but surely] And your need [will come] like an armed man [making you helpless].”
King Solomon may have been pointing to physical poverty, but it applies just as readily to spiritual poverty. Father, our time together is vital to my spiritual well-being. My relationship with You must be cultivated. It is of the utmost importance. Bless our time together. May I hear clearly what You have for me this day. Amen.
Matthew 6:7-13 (<<click here to read the passage)
It’s interesting in this passage to read Your warning against “repeating [our] words again and again” thinking that that is how our prayers are going to get answered and to see that it is immediately followed by a prayer You gave us, that many of us know by heart, that we repeat every Sunday in our worship together.
I have read where some think we should eliminate the Lord’s Prayer from public repetition, but I think what’s important to remember, once again, is the relationship aspect.
Several years ago, I attended a funeral service where the minister lead those gathered in the Lord’s Prayer and honestly, I felt he was trying to make sure he finished ahead of everyone else! It felt like it was a race to get through it as quickly as possible! Now I’m not questioning his relationship with You, Lord, but his prayer sure did not reflect that relationship.
Every Sunday both of my congregations (and our online service now!) repeat this prayer at the conclusion of our prayer time together and I purposely do not rush when I lead them in reciting it. I have preached on the importance of prayer and highlighted the wonderful aspects of this prayer You set before us as an example of how we should pray. But again, it comes down to our relationship with You. Repetition is not the problem – complacency is the problem.
Lord, help us to keep our hearts and minds in the right place. Help us to keep You in the right place. Repetition is a benefit, not a detriment if our hearts are set in pursuit of our relationship with You.
Dec 6th, 2017, Wed, 6:47 am