This past week, Father, I had a lot of things pulling at me. During this time together, may I be able to focus on You and what is most important for me to understand and communicate. Amen.
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I have a friend…and it is not time.
I have a friend who was welcomed home over the weekend. He bravely battled Stage 4 brain cancer, and now his war is over. He could have been my brother. He is about a year younger than me.
I wish I had been a better friend to him while I knew him. I prayed for him and encouraged others to do the same. I served as his pastor, and when he could not attend church, he faithfully watched online. …but none of it seems enough looking back over it all.
I wish I could have spent more time by his side through the bulk of his battle, been with him through his treatments, and taken more opportunities to encourage him, be it through calling, texting, or writing. But time has not been my friend.
It was even more difficult because he was not the first friend to go through these things. Almost two years ago, I lost another dear friend – this one to leukemia. Though two decades older than me, his passing left a hole in my heart…and now I have gone down the path once more.
I have lost others, but these two men, at least in my heart and mind, cast a spotlight on my inadequacies…my failures. They deserved far more from me than was given – not because I didn’t want to, but, as we all know, there are only so many hours in a day. I’m not making excuses; it’s just the truth. A full-time job, three churches, writing almost every day, home responsibilities, and family time all add up quickly. Even though those are all legitimate responsibilities, it does little to assuage my guilt.
I genuinely do not think either of these gentlemen begrudged my time for other things. I am grateful for the hours afforded to me in my friend’s last hours on this earth, and they will always be cherished as a privilege extended by God Himself. Yet still, I have heard other people speak poorly of other pastors who have been negligent in calling on them. I think we will just have to let God be the judge of that. Some may be negligent, but I believe it is often just out of a pastor’s control, and we do our best with the time we have.
I grieve, too, but I would plea for grace. God is undoubtedly gracious, but may we extend the same in our own lives. I have many friends, but time is not one of them.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13 NIV
Mar 17th, 2024, Sun, 1:01 pm
